Defining Broken
by platarozaluna
Summary: Sequel to 'Titanic': 'Elliot cupped Rose's face in his hands. "Don't cry because they're gone, smile because you knew them," he said although he wished he could practice what he preached.' Will they overcome the pain, or will it consume them? Ch.6 is up!
1. Chapter 1: Unstable

**A/N: Welcome to the sequel of Titanic (which, incidentally, isn't quite finished yet) If you haven't read Titanic, this will make no sense. This story takes place two weeks after the other one ended. They're all back in New York City and Rose is living in Elliot's guestroom under the name Rose Dawson because she had nowhere to go. Porter is in custody, but Cal got away. We're in modern times now and Liv's funeral hasn't happened yet. I'm hoping people like this one as much as the other one, as always read and review =) y'all are amazing ~platarozaluna**

The events of the past two weeks rushed in a whirlwind through Elliot Stabler's mind. He still couldn't believe she was gone.

"_Elliot I—" Don Cragen had began to try to find some words to take his best detectives pain away, but all in vain. No words could be said, as Cragen himself had already begun to break down as the Carpathia docked and Titanic survivors flung themselves into the arms of waiting family members. Cragen hugged the man he thought of as a son gently. A softly crying curly red-haired young woman laid a hand gently on Elliot's arm. _

"_Elliot, who is this?" Cragen asked, trying not to talk about Olivia right now. There would be time for grief later after everything was straightened out. _

"_Captain, this is Rose Dawson. She's….a friend. She lost the love of her life to Titanic and is going to be staying with me for a little while, she has nowhere else to go,"_

_Captain Cragen nodded approvingly, knowing fool well that it was a good thing Elliot wasn't going to be alone in his grief-physically or emotionally. _

Elliot had tried to go back to work right away to keep himself from having time to brood on Olivia's death. Cal had escaped, but Dean Porter the true Gitano, had been incarcerated, tried, and was sentenced with lifetime in prison without parole on the charges of kidnapping of Ryan and Rebecca, attempted rape of Olivia, rape of Olivia, attacks on both Olivia and Elliot, as well as their attempted murders. Casey Novak was the ADA that tried him. Alex, meanwhile, had taken some time off after Titanic. She wasn't quite ready to reveal herself as still living to the world. Only Elliot, Rose, and Cragen knew so far. In fact, the record of Titanic survivors stated only that Samantha Riley survived. Alex Cabot was never a passenger. Rose had taken a small secretarial position at SVU filling out DD5s for many grateful detectives. She too, wanted something to take her mind off of the hell that had been Titanic.

George Huang cut into Elliot's stream of thought.

"Elliot? I asked you a question."

"Sorry, what?"

"It's quite alright. I asked you if you have been having dreams about Olivia."

"Is that a problem?"

"Depends on the dreams," Huang replied.

"She comes…to me and it's like she's alive again," Elliot choked out.

"You can't keep having these dreams, Elliot," Huang said and Elliot leapt up from the chair and made to storm out of the office.

"I know you're hurting, but you won't be able to let her go,"

"I'M NOT READY TO LET HER GO DAMNIT!" shouted Elliot at the top of his lungs, and in a rage, he cleared Huang's books off of one of the shelves in one sweep, sending them crashing to the floor. He continued to rage and be destructive while Huang watched him and didn't say a word. He knew that believe it or not, the destruction was helping Elliot let the pain out. Thoughtfully and sadly, George Huang wondered if Elliot Stabler could ever be stable again.

**A/N: What do y'all think of the prologue/pre-chapter? Good? Bad? Review and let me know! I have grand plans for this story =) (and yes, I am still finishing the other one, duh) =D **


	2. Chapter 2: True Love Never Dies

**A/N: Here's the next chapter of Defining Broken! I've hit another writer's block with the first Titanic story, or rather, I only had a short time in which to write tonight and I wanted to write something I already had an idea for. Again, this is the aftermath of Olivia's death in Titanic**

Olivia was waiting for him as usual that evening when he drifted off to sleep. Elliot was always eager to go to bed at night, and it always seemed like he never had long enough before his alarm for work was going off at 5:30 in the morning. The only thing that got him through each agonizing day was the prospect of spending his nights with her. This time, he met her at the pier. She was wearing a light, airy white summer dress. Her brown hair was shoulder length and windblown, and her feet were bare. Her eyes shown brightly as she took his hand. Elliot grinned. "Where are you taking me tonight, Liv?" he asked.

"Oh, I have a new place, I think you're going to like it," she replied with a delicate smile. He loved how real she was. Her slender fingers slipped intimately between his own and her palm even felt warm and alive to the touch.

"What's up? You're staring," she remarked, smirking.

"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly, embarrassed.

"No, it's okay, I like it," she said.

"Is it really you?" he found himself asking, even though he knew it couldn't be.

"Yeah, baby, it's really me," she replied before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek as though to prove herself. She squeezed his hand, and suddenly, they were standing in a grove off grass on top of a mountain in the light of a midnight moon.

"This view…it's incredible," he said, awestruck.

"Look at the stars," she murmured. Elliot looked up and his jaw dropped. With no city lights to block their light, the stars were as wide and vast as he had ever seen them. They stretched as far as the eye could see and it was easy to make out common constellations, like the Big Dipper and the Milky Way. Olivia gently pulled Elliot down on the ground and they laid there like that for awhile, warm and comfortable in each other's arms. "I see Orion," she whispered as she pointed up at the man with the club in the sky.

"He's a warrior, just like you," Elliot said quietly back as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I'm not a warrior. I couldn't stay alive for you. I wasn't strong enough to keep breathing," she said.

"Don't blame yourself. I still love you, you're my everything, Liv. I don't know how I'm going to handle your funeral tomorrow. Seeing them…put you…in…in…in the ground. I can't do it," he choked out. Olivia began to rub his back soothingly.

"It's okay, El. I'll be right with you the whole time and afterwards, if you take a nap, I'll take you back to that beach you like," she promised. Elliot nodded into her shoulder. She would be there. He could handle it if she would be there.

"Elliot! Elliot!" a voice called from somewhere in the distance.

"It's time for you to go, love. I'll see you later, ok?" Olivia said, leaning in for one last sweet kiss.

"No! I want to stay with you!" he pleaded, but she was already gone.

"Elliot!"

His eyes popped open and he saw Rose Dawson standing at the foot of his bed, dressed in a knee-length black dress with a black shawl around her shoulders.

"Breakfast is ready, you have to get up and get ready now," she said tenderly, and it hit him. Today was her funeral. Today was goodbye. "You had another dream about her, didn't you?" Rose asked. The hollow look in his eyes was all too familiar.

Olivia was lying in bed beside Elliot, cradling him in her arms. She felt guilty, in a way, for teasing him with the dreams the way she did, but that was the only way that she could talk to him. She couldn't be visible to him at any other time, or Bas's number 1 rule: _Never show yourself to the ones that breath, _would be broken. When she died, Olivia was given 3 choices: heaven, hell, or Elliot in the form of Bas. She'd chosen to remain by Elliot's side, and, as a result Bas owned her soul for eternity, but Elliot was more than worth it.

"Olivia? Are you going to your funeral?" asked Jack, who had chosen the same unfortunate path in order to better watch over Rose. She'd promised Elliot that she would go, but seeing them lower her drowned body into the ground would be too weird. Jack seemed to guess her thoughts.

"Yeah…I'm almost glad they didn't find me," he murmured, and the two of them followed Elliot and Rose into the kitchen to prepare for the emotionally grueling day ahead of them.

Rose and Elliot stared awkwardly at each other across the table as they picked at the bacon and eggs she had prepared. Neither of them really felt much like eating anything.

"I had your black suit pressed," she said finally breaking the curtain of silence that hung between them.

"Thanks," he mumbled as he shifted his scrambled eggs from one side of his plate to the other with the fork. Suddenly, he felt bile rise in his throat like he was going to get sick. "I'm….going to go get ready," he muttered, knowing he would never be ready for what he was about to do.

"That's okay, I'll clean up here," she said, smiling encouragingly up at him. She couldn't imagine having to go through the funeral of a true love. Jack's body had not been recovered, so there was no funeral, and no one in New York knew him, so a memorial would have been a moot point. She was able to grieve privately, but Elliot…..oh god…..he was about to let half the city know how he truly felt about his partner of 12 years. He had lost more than a lover that day, he'd lost his best friend.

Elliot was lying flat across his bed in his suit unable to will his feet to move any farther. How stupid was he to think he could have actually gone through with this?

Olivia sat down at the edge of Elliot's bed and laid a hand on his back. She began to rub her palm in a soothing circular motion as she whispered gently to him.

"Come on, El, you have to get up. Everything is going to be alright, I'll be with you throughout the whole thing. I won't let go of your hand, I promise." She continued to rub his back and caress his cheek in an attempt to comfort him and assuage the guilt she knew he felt. Hell, she felt guilty for putting him through this.

Elliot heard a light tapping on his bedroom door.

"Go away, Rose!" he groaned, irritated at her for being so inconsiderate, even though, deep down, he knew she was being perfectly considerate by making sure he didn't miss the funeral.

"We have to go or we're going to be late, we have to follow the hearse, remember?" Of course he remembered. How could he not? He sighed as he watched a chink of dust swirl around the cream colored ceiling as the mid-morning sunlight streamed through the window. He almost wished it was raining. The sky had no right to be happy when Olivia was being put to rest. Elliot tried to repress the sudden sob that was creeping up his throat, but his attempt was unsuccessful and tears began trickle down his cheeks. He made no attempt to wipe them away.

Olivia's heart broke as she watched Elliot crying. Not only was he crying, but he was crying because of her. Bas had given her a fair warning from the start that not everything about Elliot's life was going to be pleasant for her to experience, this, she figured, was one of those times. She reached out her hand and tenderly wiped the tears off of his cheeks, wishing desperately that even if he couldn't see her, he could feel her, or even simply know that she was there and had not abandoned him.

Rose opened the door gently and looked down at the broken man lying on the bed in front o her and her heart went out to him.

"Come on, we have to go. It's going to be okay. I can….drive, if you want me to," she offered.

"No. I'm fine, this is something I have to do," he said in a voice that, though shaky, was full of conviction. Rose saw no point in arguing with him, he was right, this was something he had to do. Leading the funeral procession was the first step in accepting it.

**A/N: I just found out that I have a day off from school tomorrow due to flooding, so I'll probably be able to post some awesome chapters tomorrow during the day to both of the Titanic stories =D Read and review, please. I changed the story from a crossover to a general SVU story since I figured that's where it would be easiest for the people who read the other one to access it. Also, another side note, 'Bas' is the Gaelic word for 'death'. It's supposed to have an acent on the 'a' (like it did in the other story), but I'm too lazy to put it in. Anyway, I hope you found the chapter satisfactory ~platarozaluna**


	3. Chapter 3: The Funeral

**A/N: So…no reviews on that last update =( I'll try to make chapter three better! The beginning of the story is kind of sad, but the action will start to pick up-pinky promise =) I don't own El or Rose….those rights belong to Dick Wolf and James Cameron desafortunadamente, however it is my personal opinion that Chris Meloni and Kate Winslet would make a beautiful child xP ~platarozaluna**

"We are gathered here today to give thanks for the life of Olivia Isabelle Benson, whose short life was a blessing to us all and all who ever knew her," read the priest. Elliot, Rose, Cragen, Fin, Munch, Casey, and a blonde woman wearing a veil over her face (Alex) sat in the front pew, and behind them were many of the other officers and victims that Olivia had helped. All cried, but none more than Elliot. Rose kept a steady hand on his shoulder the entire time, as though to ensure he didn't fall apart completely and break into a million tiny pieces.

Olivia was touched by all of the people who attended her funeral. She sat by each of them in turn, but remained by Elliot for the most part as she had promised. She was glad that he had Rose in his life, if he didn't, well….Olivia didn't want to think about what would have happened on the _Carpathia_. He may have gone through with it.

"Death is necessary. Death is required and death is sad. It tears at our heart when it happens, but without it, there could be nothing new. No new genes, no species, no new perspectives in the world. Without death, there could be no more birth. Death is the price we pay," the priest continued, and Elliot buried his face in his hands. He wished it had been him. Oh god, he wished it had been him. Why her? Olivia didn't deserve to die. She was so perfect, so beautiful, she was already an angel—she didn't need to officially become one.

"Even though it is the price, we struggle against it with all our might. We guard ourselves and live in resistance to this natural state. When it does come, such as now, there is for some a question of faith, of the fairness of the world, which eventually gives way to acceptance that death is part of the greater plan for the universe. This acceptance doesn't usually come easy or quickly, but when it does, it can strengthen us. To love life and to trust so completely in the ways of the universe and of God, even in its final act, is fortifying," Is there a God? Elliot found himself wondering. Of course there was, wasn't there? Elliot had grown up Catholic, but what kind of God would kill Olivia Benson, whose very existence provided a reason for living for so many people.

"We have come here today to celebrate the passage that Olivia Isabelle Benson has made into the greater wholeness, the loving arms of God," the priest concluded, and then he opened the service for people to make personal statements about Olivia.

Olivia wondered if it would be considered strange that she cried at her own funeral as if she were the one that had lost someone dear to her. Well, upon thought, she realized that she had. If she hadn't died, she would be with Elliot—really be with him, not just watch him from another world. They would have gotten married and then there would be a number of young Stabler-Benson's running around. She sighed when the priest mentioned the part about Olivia being welcomed into God's arms. She could have been, but instead, she'd sold her soul to Bas in order to be with Elliot and walk in his dreams at night. God would want nothing to do with her.

Don Cragen stood up first. Today, he was not just a captain mourning the loss of one of his best officers, but a father grieving for a daughter who had died far too young. He cleared his throat and read:

"May the road rise up to meet you.  
May the wind be always at your back.  
May the sun shine warm upon your face;  
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,  
may God hold you in the palm of His hand." He swallowed sharply and then continued, his voice scratchy with emotion. "Olivia, you were like a daughter to me. I hope that you are at peace and that you know how much I've always loved you," he choked out, before sitting beside Elliot once more. Cragen saw that Elliot was in no fit state to speak yet, so he indicated to the others that they should go first. Everyone took a few minutes to collect themselves, and then Munch stood up, and Fin after him.

"Oh, Fin…" Olivia whispered to him as she stood behind him, with her hand resting on his forearm. With a gentle sweep, she wiped away the tear that was trickling down his cheek as she had done with Elliot earlier. Fin had always been one of her best friends on the force, he was the kind-hearted and protective older brother she had never had. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, wondering if there was any way that he could have felt it.

Casey cried harder than any of the speakers so far, and could barely get through the memoir she had written about her best friend.

Olivia pulled the ADA into a hug. "It's okay, Case, I'm right here. Thank you for the speech you made, it was beautiful," she murmured into her ear. The next to speak was Alex. She stood up with the veil still shielding her face.

"Who is that?" Munch muttered under his breath to Fin, who shook his head. He didn't know either. After she was done speaking, everyone save for Cragen, Elliot, and Rose were really confused because they didn't know who this mysterious former best friend of Olivia's was. Noticing there looks of shock, particularly Munch's, broke Alex's heart.

Olivia stood beside her friend and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay Al, you can do it." Suddenly, Alex felt herself lifting off the veil. She blinked back her tears as she felt the eyes of her SVU family poring into her. Munch was the first to say acknowledge her.

"A…Al?" he asked hesitantly, for it simply couldn't be. His fiancé had been killed tragically by a perp in a shooting, yet here she was. He brought his hand to his neck where he had worn her engagement ring ever since that fateful day. Slowly, Alex Cabot allowed herself to be lost in his embrace.

"I'm so sorry!" she sobbed into his shoulder. "I was in the Witness Protection Program, I wanted to be with you, you have to believe me!"

"Sshh…it's okay, Al. You're here now, and that's all that matters," he said soothingly as he rubbed her back.

Olivia was touched that this wonderful couple's reunion happened at such a dismal event as her funeral.

"Pop the question, Munch," she offered with a grin as she unclasped his necklace and Alex's ring fell onto the floor with a clatter.

Munch's eyes widened in surprise, he picked up the ring and dropped it into Alex's palm. "Alex, will you marry me?" he asked earnestly. Alex looked shocked at first, but then her face softened and she smiled.

"Yes, John, a thousand times yes!" she exclaimed and pulled him into a heated embrace and a passionate kiss that earned an "awww" from the funeral attendees. The mood, however soon turned somber again when it was Elliot's turn to speak about Olivia.

"It's going to be alright," Rose whispered soothingly to him as he stood up shakily and pulled the crumpled, tear-stained piece of paper out of his pocket and began to read.

"If tears could build a stairway and thoughts a memory lane I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again No Farewell words were spoken No time to say good-bye You were gone before I knew it And only God knows why.- My heart's still active in sadness And secret tears still flow What it meant to lose you No one can ever know. But now I know you want us To mourn for you no more To remember all the happy times Life still has much in store.- Since you'll never be forgotten I pledge to you today A hallowed place within my heart Is where you'll always stay. - God knows why, with chilling touch, Death gathers those we love so much, And what now seems so strange and dim, Will all be clear, when we meet Him. I Knew you for a Moment."

**A/N: I tried to make the funeral as authentic as possible, with legit poems and the opening words that are typically spoken at the opening. Please review this if you read it =) I promise the sadness will be over soon-I'm trying to have El go through the real human grieving process**


	4. Chapter 4: Time to Let Go

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I feel so loved 3 I took the SAT's earlier, so I'm still not fully up t coming up with an update idea for the other story (*is lazy*) but next week I have PSSA's, so I'll definitely be able to work on it (half-days at school) Anyway, my brain is fried but in between SAT sections I got an intense desire to update this story, so here you go! Read & review, please =)**

**Also-for clarity, Bas is Death. I invented him, he's sort of like the head ghost or whatever you want to think of him as**

**August:**

The months went by agonizingly slow and Elliot found himself in a bit of depressed rut. He got up bright and early each morning, went to work, stayed until Cragen kicked him out, and then ate whatever dinner Rose left out for him. Then, he did it all again the next day. He worked more overtime than he ever had in his life—he did anything to get his mind off of her during the day, and at night, he dreamed about her. He'd even tried to call Kathy several times over the past few weeks just to talk to his kids, but she never answered his calls. Finally, after two and a half months of not having seen the kids, Elliot got fed up.

"Cap, is it alright if I head out a little early?" he stuck his head around Cragen's door to see his response. Cragen's eyes widened—Elliot had been staying after 11 every night since Olivia died.

"umm…sure Elliot, I don't see why not, give your paperwork to Rose to finish and I'll see you tomorrow—do you have plans or something?" he replied with slightly raised eyebrows. In the old days, he never would have questioned Elliot's sudden desire to leave early, but now, given the circumstances, he worried. Where is there to go when you have nowhere to go?

"I just have something I need to take care of—don't worry, I'll be in tomorrow morning, bye captain!" Captain Cragen waved his hand briskly to send Elliot off, hoping that he wasn't about to do anything that would get him in trouble of any kind.

Rose looked up from the report she was typing up when she saw Elliot approaching her with a stack of paperwork in one hand and his car keys in the other.

"Are you leaving?" she asked and then glanced at the clock, thinking time had escaped her. She always left at least five hours before Elliot did.

"Yeah, I'm going home early, I'm going to go visit with the kids—can you finish this up?"

Rose smiled warmly at him, seeing his children would cheer him up—even if only for a little bit. "Of course, hand it over," she replied softly.

"Thanks, you're the best—I'll see you later for dinner—I'll cook tonight," he promised, for he felt bad that she always cooked him such delicious meals and then ate alone every night.

Elliot slowly climbed up the front steps to Kathy's mother's house, with a strange sense of foreboding—like he knew something bad was going to happen. He shifted uncomfortably as he stood on the stoop and he nervously knocked twice. Kathy's 70-year-old mother pulled open the door with a crooked grin , which fell when she saw who was at the door.

"What do you want?" she barked, causing Elliot to wonder what Kathy told her mother he did. He could only imagine.

"To see my children," he snapped back. He wanted to prove to this woman that when you play with fire, you get burned.

"Mother, who is it?" he heard Kathy murmur as she approached the door.

"Oh, no one dear," her mother said, and, smiling wickedly, she slammed the door in his face. Kathy wrenched it open immediately afterwards, her curiosity having bested her.

"Elliot? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Why haven't you answered any of my phone calls?" he demanded.

"Maybe because I didn't want to talk to you."

"I don't particularly want to talk to you, either, but you had no right to keep the kids from me," he growled in reply.

"Of course—because they must mean so much to you since you haven't thought about them in…what? Almost three months? You've been lost in Livvy land, haven't you? I never wanted her to die, but for god's sake, the newspaper articles about her are still being printed. They're painting her up like she's some god damn saint and I'm getting sick of it!" she hissed.

"I think about them everyday—I want them back, or at least partial custody, and Kathy, don't you dare say anything bad about Olivia. She was a much better woman than you ever were, and since we're no longer married I can say that without feeling a shred of guilt!"

"Oh? So we're divorced?"

"Just give me the papers and I'll sign them, but not without getting my parental right to have the kids," Elliot snapped as he felt his face grow hot with rising anger.

"And if I say no?" she was testing the water, and he wasn't going to let her get away with it.

"Do you want to take this to court?"

"I already have a lawyer ready."

When Elliot returned to his apartment that night it was almost nine o'clock. He didn't feel much like coking, so he'd stopped on the way home and gotten Chinese takeout. He and Kathy had scheduled their first meeting with attorney's present for the following Tuesday morning, which meant that Elliot had a week to brood before he had to see her again.

Rose had fallen asleep laying on the couch, and she looked so peaceful that Elliot didn't want to disturb her. He gently slid her shoes off of her feet and left her dinner on the coffee table before going to get a shower.

Olivia felt horrible. If there were an award to be given to people whose lives weren't kind to them, Elliot would be the poster child. She tried desperately to think of a new place to take him tonight in his dream to make him feel better. Suddenly, she felt Jack's hand on her shoulder.

"You can't keep doing this," he said somberly. "It's been three months, don't you think it would be better to let him move on?"

"That's a hypocritical statement, if you ask me," Olivia snapped back.

"I don't go into Rose's dreams anymore, just check on her to make sure she's okay, and she's faring much better than Elliot is, at least in my opinion," Jack said, treading carefully as not to offend Olivia, who, he knew, really did think she was doing what was best for the man she'd always loved.

"The best thing you could do for him is let him go, it'd be better for both of you," he assured her.

"No….NO! I can't…he'll think I've abandoned him, he won't be able to take it!" Olivia exclaimed incredulously .

"Yeah…it would hurt, I'm not saying it wouldn't, but a…clean break so to speak would let him move on, so that maybe one day he can be happy with someone else."

"But he-"

"He, or you, Olivia?"

Olivia put her head in her hands as she began to sob uncontrollably on the pristine, Rose-maintained floor in Elliot's kitchen. Jack knelt down beside her and pulled her wracking frame into his arm and laid a hand on her back.

"I know it hurts, but sshhh…you're okay, and so am I, and so are they," he whispered gently to her as she cried. She said nothing, just pulled him closer, because now, neither one of them had anything but each other in this lonely in-between world, and nothing to do but watch the ones they love slowly start to sadly move on without them.

**A/N: Hmm…Let's say for the purpose of this story that El and Liv are in their early forties, Jack is forty, and Rose is like 37 or 38 to make the entire thing less awkward, mk? Does El get custody of the kids or does Kathy? Do they go to court? Does Olivia start to let go? If so, how will Elliot fare? Leave me a review if you want to find out =)**


	5. Chapter 5: Lost

Chapter 5

**A/N: Titanic is done...now it's time for Defining Broken to take the spotlight =)  
**  
Elliot awoke the next day and rolled over in bed, rubbing his eyes. He yawned and lay flat on his back, staring up at the cream-coloured ceiling as he wondered miserably why Olivia hadn't come into his dream last night. Had he done something wrong? Was she upset that he'd gone to see Kathy? He sighed. The alarm hadn't gone off yet and he hadn't heard Rose getting ready yet, so he figured he had time.

"I need you, Liv," he pleaded quietly before closing his eyes.

Olivia leaned over his bed and gently kissed his forehead.

"You'll be okay, baby," she assured him before climbing into the bed and snuggling against his body. She hated seeing him so weak. He deserved an explanation, she figured.

Elliot was in a dark forest, wind whistling eerily through the creaky branches of dying trees. A twig snapped behind him. He turned around only to see a pair of deep red eyes staring back at him.

"Liv!" he called hopelessly.

"Sanctus, espiritus" the chant echoed through the trees, each time growing louder as if an invisible force were closing in on him, drowning him.

"Olivia!" he screamed again.

"We worship Bas, bow down before the Master," the voices hissed icily and Elliot slid to the ground as he felt the wind knocked out of him. Hundreds of stone angels with demonic grins flew around him, their winds chinking together like ice in a tall class. One of them pulled out a razor.

"No!" Elliot bellowed into the night.

Rose was curled up in Elliot's guestroom when she was awakened by a loud scream. She leapt to her feet. "Elliot!" she darted from the room although was more reluctant as she approached his door. She knocked lightly.

"El? Are you okay?" She pushed open the door when she heard moaning. "El!" He was thrashing wildly in a pool of sweat. She sat on the edge of his bed and laid a comforting hand on his forearm. "Elliot, wake up, you're okay,"she assured him. His skin was so hot. Rose brushed a hand across his forehead. "El...you're burning up," she murmured. He only groaned in response. "It's okay, sshh," Rose whispered soothingly.

"Head hurts," he grumbled.

"I'll get you something," she said and quietly slipped out of the room returning moments later with a tall glass of water and some aspirin. Elliot couldn't help but think she looked a bit like Olivia in the dark room. "Take them, they'll help," she urged and then proceeded to gently lift his head and tilt the water into his mouth. He nodded gratefully and took the pills she held out.

"Thanks," he said weakly and was happy when she let him lay down again.

"I'm calling you in sick," she said.

"No, I'll be fine in the morning."

"It -is- the morning," Rose reminded him.

"Then I should get ready," he said and tried to sit up, only to have the world start spinning. Rose pushed him back into bed and made her way to the kitchen to call Captain Cragen. He picked up after the second ring.

"Cragen."

"Hello Captain, it's Rose. I wanted to call Elliot in sick for today."

"Sick?"

"Yes-seems like the flu or something."

"You don't sound too good, yourself."

"I'm just tired. I got up with Elliot earlier," Rose yawned.

"Hmm...why don't you take a day, yourself. Elliot would do well to let someone take care of him," Cragen replied.

"Will do, Captain."

"Oh, and Rose?"

"Yes?"

"It's a good thing Elliot has you. I was worried about how he was going to handle Olivia's passing, I mean, they spent 12 years together, but it seems like now he's starting to accept it," Cragen said with a note of relief. Rose however, gave a deep sigh.

"He's not exactly -handling- it..."

"He's doing better every day, that's what counts."

"I suppose you're right.."

"Hey El, that was Cragen I was just on the phone with. We both have the day off," she said quietly, slipped off her flats and sat on the edge of his bed to feel his forehead; still warm, but he was shivering. Rose pulled the blanket more tightly around him. "Do you need anything else?" she asked gently.

"Stay," he murmured and Rose was too tired and felt too much pity for him to object. She slipped under the covers and laid down in the bed next to him. Both remained lost in their own worlds and she found herself lightly massaging his collarbone in an effort to soothe him back to sleep. As his breathing became more even, Rose felt her eyelids getting heavy. She let them close slowly and began to fall asleep. When she next awoke, she was spooned against Elliot. How did this happen? She thought and slipped out of his arms only to have him pull her back.

"Liv..." he whispered half-asleep and lay his face against the back of his neck. Rose sighed...if she weren't as tired, she probably would have corrected him, but then again, he was happy and innocent right now...such a rare thing for any SVU detective, especially after what happened and he needed that. It wasn't hurting anyone...and, well she could do with a little comfort, too. "I love you, Olivia," Elliot murmured and Rose didn't say a word..

When Elliot awoke, he was surprised to find his face nestled in a mane of curly red hair. He tried to sit up, but felt like shit and laid back down. His moving caused her to get up and she, looking uncomfortable as he did, slid to her own side of the bed.

"Feeling better?" she asked.

"A little, thanks for...you know," he muttered awkwardly.

"No problem...hey Elliot?"

"Yes?"

"You really miss her, don't you?" Rose prompted, but he turned away, not wanting to talk about Olivia. It was just too painful. "It's okay. I miss Jack, but I can't even begin to fathom how you must feel. Talking about it might...help," Rose said.

"Maybe," he muttered but didn't elaborate. Rose laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You aren't alone. I'm here if you want to talk about it," she murmured softly, feeling a sense of pity so strong it overwhelmed her. Elliot sighed. He didn't want to admit it, but he was starting to depend on her. Without Rose, there wouldn't be a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel Olivia had left behind. Without Rose, he'd have joined her by now

**A/N: So...I guess you can all see where this is going...it's going to be more than a sappy eventual pairing though. don't worry, I'm not jumping into an E/R pairing...it's far too soon. Just friends. The fact that they shared such a traumatic experience automatically makes them close even though they've only known each other for 5 months. Read and review, please =)**


	6. Chapter 6: Court

**A/N: Thank you, Stabson and SilvrBlade for the reviews! I was actually thinking of maybe discontinuing this story if no one was going to read it, but I'm glad I didn't have to—I have many ideas for this one ~platarozaluna**

Chapter 6:

1 month later...

Elliot had to fight to keep himself steady as he stood at the respondent's side with Alex. It wasn't typical for a prosecutor to handle a defense case, but he trusted her more than anyone else. Rose was already seated to watch the trial. Her heart went out to Elliot and she wished that she could at least be up there with him. He couldn't lose his children...how much more could someone suffer? He'd already lost so much. But Elliot was not alone, Olivia, too was there for him. She hadn't visited his dreams in a month, but she'd never left his side, and she would be with him today, too. She walked down to the respondents table and laid a comforting hand on Elliot's shoulder. She turned to Alex.

"Al...I know you can't hear me, but please...I know you have what it takes to win this. You're a damn good lawyer, Alex Cabot," she said firmly before pulling her friend into a hug.

"Hey Liv, I went up to check in with Rose, she seems pretty on edge about this whole thing," said Jack as he walked down to where Olivia was standing.

"Go with her. I'm going to stay down here with Elliot," she said with conviction as she took Elliot's right forearm. "If this ends badly, you're going to need me, too."

Elliot watched as Kathy entered the room looking harried and tired. She sat down at the plaintiff's table next to her lawyer, a bitter and vitriolic young prosecutor by the name of Franziska VonKarma. Her father had been a legend, and she was somewhat of a prodigy herself. His ex-wife didn't look at him, but rather, looked through him. She toyed nervously with the hem of her blouse and her long blonde hair looked somewhat unkempt. When Franziska VonKarma got up to give her opening statement, the room fell quiet enough to hear a pin drop. She gave an arrogantly delicate curtsy and flashed the judge a winning smile revealing a set of perfectly white, yet quite pointy, teeth. Alex brushed her arm against Elliot's.

"It's going to be alright, El," she assured him. He didn't feel alright. VonKarma was worse than he'd been warned she was-a serpent with her bold pixie-cut and ice-blue eyes. She portrayed Elliot as a stereotypical cheating husband, and, he had to admit, did a damn good job of it.  
She painted him up as selfish, detached, and a partier with a different woman every other night. The dangerous nature of his job and the insane hours detectives kept were mentioned as well, as he and Alex knew they would be. Just when he thought she couldn't slay him anymore, she played the "sympathy for the poor, unfortunate mother" card and made a case for women in general before giving another coy smile and sitting down.

"Could she have turned me into more of a piece of shit?" Elliot muttered into Alex's ear, but she merely shushed him and stood up. She played just as dirty-portraying Kathy as a negligent and unstable woman incapable of taking care of herself, let alone five kids. No matter what had happened, he felt bad for Kathy, in a way...she just looked lost and confused, like too much had changed in too short a time. On and on it went and they traded positions in the hot seat, probably both waiting for it to finally be over. 

Rose watched the custody trial commence with bated breath, pleading internally for Elliot to win. He was such a good father. Both lawyers were exceptional. Alex held her ground well, but sometimes Elliot's ex-wife was at the expense. From what he'd said, she really wasn't all that bad a person...she just had poor coping skills. On the other hand, Kathy's lawyer was as vitriolic as they come and built her entire case off of defaming Elliot's moral character.

"Miss Rose?" said a small voice behind her. She turned around and was face to face with Lizzie Stabler. She had tears streaking down her face.

"I thought you were in the hall with your grandma and your brothers and sisters," Rose prompted quietly, sliding over so that Lizzie could sit with her.

"I want my daddy, miss rose," she said and let out a wracking sob that caused several people to look up. One of them, unfortunately, was Franziska VonKarma. Rose scooped Lizzie into her arms and took her out into the hall where she totally broke down. "I miss Livvie and I want my mom and my dad! Not just one!" she pleaded through her tears.

In her testimony, Kathy was asked all of the general questions-life habits, day-to-day routine, interactions with the kids, and, of course allegations of Elliot's having cheated, which she responded to with her usual spiel about how he'd slept with his partner for 12 years. Olivia shot a pained expression at Elliot, who was starting to look progressively more angry.

"Tell her to shut up about Liv," he hissed at Alex.

"Objection! Relevance-the woman of whom the plaintiff speaks passed away 5 months ago, and since she cannot testify on her own account, the plaintiffs word is not admissible as testimony," Alex snapped and the judge nodded.

"Objection sustained." Kathy, however, gave a sly smirk.

"Rose isn't dead," she said, still smiling as if she'd played a trump card. It was the direct examination-Franziska's turf, and she played the outburst like it was all part of the plan. Maybe it was.

"Ms. Stabler, would you mind telling the court about this "Rose"?"

"Shortly after Olivia passed away, he was already living with another woman-she's younger than him and very eager to please, if you know what I mean. I don't want my children exposed to her," Kathy said. Together, they painted Rose up to be a prostitute with a possible criminal background.

"Alex!" Elliot protested. Rose didn't deserve this.

"Don't worry. It's time for the cross-examination. She's going to eat her words and choke on them," Alex replied indignantly as she strode up to the stand. Alex was like a bomb going off (professionally, of course) when she cross-examined Kathy.

"Ms. Stabler, could you please clarify for me the reason behind the three bounced checks in the last 2 months since your divorce from Mr. Stabler?"

"It's been hard. Sometimes I forget I don't have as much as I used to. The adjustment, the stress, y'know?" Elliot felt bad now, was she really that hard for money?

"But Mr. Stabler is still sending you money, correct?"

"Yes."

"What did you do with the money?" Alex pressed.

"I had to spend it. I have five kids," she replied tiredly.

"What about all of the money you withdrew from your joint account with Mr. Stabler? What happened to it?"

"Umm..."

"Black money for drugs?"

"Objection!" shouted VonKarma. "Your honor, I ask that Ms. Cabot please refrain from badgering my witness."

"Objection sustained. Ms. Cabot, please reword your question," the judge sighed.

"Fine. Where did the money go?"

"I told you. Towards the kids. I have no income," Kathy snapped back.

"What about a job?"

"I never worked. I have to be home. I stay with my mother, she works at a local retail shop," she replied.

"You aren't at work and yet all of your children are in school, what are you doing?" Alex hissed.

"I have to do the shopping, cleaning, organizing, and everything. It's not easy. I've always been a stay-at-home mom."

"Wow, you sound busy. Has anyone stepped in to help you out?" she asked, and Elliot knew her questioning must be leading up to something. "Can I get a name?" Alex asked with a glint in her eyes as if she were about to pounce.

"Objection! Relevancy!" VonKarma shouted.

"Your Honor, if the counselor would allow me to finish, she would see that my point is quite relevant to the case at hand," Alex explained earnestly.

"Objection overruled, please continue, Ms. Cabot."

"Name?"

"My umm...old friend, James," Kathy murmured. She was definitely hiding something.

"And this was before the divorce was finalized?"

"Elliot and I were already separated!" Kathy exclaimed, but was met with shocked faces.

"You just admitted that -you- had the affair, not Elliot," Alex pointed out with a smirk.

"But...I..." Kathy stammered.

"Nothing further, your honour." Elliot didn't make any eye contact with his ex-wife as he walked up to the stand to be direct and cross-examined. He didn't know how to feel. The first part was easy, yet considerably more emotional than he expected, since Kathy had been so bland. Alex pressed him to share just how much he cared about his children and how, despite his work hours, he'd be there for them-all of the hours he worked were for them. They were all he had. Olivia rubbed his shoulders from behind and swiped a single tear out from under his eye. If he didn't get custody of his children...it would be a true obstruction of justice. 

When Rose finally slipped back into the courtroom after calming Lizzie down and leaving her with Kathy's mother, Elliot's cross-examination was about to begin.

", could you please tell your work hours to the court, just, you know, an approximation?" she started and the sweet smile on her face was what considered anyone rooting for Elliot. He swallowed nervously.

"I work 6 am to 11 pm, but thats only because I'm single now. I used to work 8 to 8," he explained.

"Isn't it true that you're expected to always be on call? Even in the middle of the night?"

"Yes," he replied hesitantly.

"Now, your ex-partner, Olivia Benson, how long did you two work together before the accident?"

"12...12 years," he stammered.

"and how long have you known Rose Dawson?"

"Almost 6 months."

"And yet, you live together?"

"Well...see, she has nowhere to go and I-"

"You aren't answering my question! Do you or do you not live together?" she snapped angrily and Elliot sighed.

"Yes." All eyes turned to Rose, who closed her eyes and took in a sharp breath. You're doing this for El, she willed herself.

"One more question. Were you in love with Olivia Benson?" The room fell silent. Olivia watched Elliot with sad eyes.

"El, you can lie if you want to-you have to do it for your kids!" she pleaded, but of course, he didn't hear her. Kathy and Franziska fixed him with dagger glares.

"I didn't love Olivia Benson...I love her with all that I have left in me," he said firmly and clearly. That was when all hell broke loose and the judge called for recess while the jury made a decision. 

**A/N: Well…there's chapter 6 for you. Chapter 7 will be up either later tonight or tomorrow. Read and review, please =)**


	7. Chapter 7: Custody

Chapter 7: Custody

**  
A/N: Did any Phoenix Wright fans catch VonKarma in this story? For those who don't know, she's a prosecutor from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! They motivated me to outline the rest of the story (yay for having some general direction!) Anyway, as always, read and review. Enjoy! ~platarozaluna. p.s. I've gone completely internet-y. I started a blog: "samsalena" on blogspot** **and I plan to put some story-related stuff on there, so, if you have a minute, check it out!**

"Doing okay?" Rose asked, laying a comforting hand on Elliot's shoulder. He nodded quickly and bent down to get a drink from the water fountain in the respondents lobby. He leaned back against the wall and sighed heavily. "You don't sound alright," she said.

"I'm getting too old for this, Rose," he replied wearily. He looked completely and utterly defeated.

"Too old? You've been through so much. Don't give up now," she urged him.

"That's exactly it. I'm done with fighting," he sighed and slumped down on the bench in front of the courtroom, his head in his heads. Rose sat beside him and slipped an arm around his shoulders. Olivia made to join him, but Jack held her back.

"What are you doing?" she protested.

"Look," he said and she followed his gaze to Elliot and Rose on the bench. "If you always interfere, he'll never learn to trust her," he explained.

"Since when did you get to be so wise?"

"Since I -know- people."

Rose's head snapped up when the door to the courtroom opened. The bailiff stepped out.

"A verdict has been reached," he announced blandly, not expressing a trace of emotion to let her know either way.

"Come on, El, they're going to announce a verdict," she said and he got to his feet slowly as though he were made of lead and being taken to his execution. He sat back down at the respondents table and his eyes followed Rose back to her seat. He felt in his jacket packet, his fingers locking around a small rounded object. Olivia's badge. He prayed more than he had in a long time that he wouldn't lose them. He couldn't lose them, or he would have nothing left worth living for.

"After much deliberation, a verdict has been reached. The jury does not rule solely for the plaintiff or the respondent, but rather, a form of joint custody. Since the plaintiff is a stay-at -home mother not working long hours, she will have custody of the three youngest children, while the respondent has custody of the two older ones. Visitation schedules to be worked out between parties. Case dismissed," the judge read aloud and slammed down his gavel. Elliot didn't know exactly who had won or lost, so he remained where he was, donning a rather blank expression until he felt Rose's hand on his forearm.

"Hey dad, I'm going to get some stuff from mom's, I'll drive Kathleen over later," Maureen said out in the hallway and Elliot only nodded. When he saw Kathy shepherding his three younger children out of the courthouse, all he could think to say was

"You won."

"It'll be alright, El. You have visitation rights by law," Rose reminded him gently.

"Not the point," he grumbled, casting her hand away.

"Do you want to go get lunch or something?" she asked, thinking he could do well to relax a bit.

"No," he snapped more sharply than he had intended. There was somewhere else he needed to be.

A delicate breeze rustled the browning leaves on the trees, causing several to fall to the ground and crunch beneath his feet. It was a beautiful cemetery, he had to give it that. The air was crisp with a note of autumn to it. Fall had always been her favorite season-not too hot and not too cold, corn fields, pumpkins, Halloween, warm apple cider...she'd loved it all. He didn't even have to look for it...his feet carried him there of their own accord. Olivia Isabelle Benson. Somehow seeing it carved into the granite made it feel all the more real that she was never coming back. He traced the letters with his right index finger...thinking sadly about how cold they were. "I miss you," he whispered gently into the air. The wind whistled ominously, causing the branches of the oak trees to scrape against each other mournfully, as if they missed her too. Suddenly, the wind began to whip more rapidly and he heard a set of chimes chinking together in the distance. Thunder echoed around him and he hurried to his car before the storm moved in.

**A/N: That was a short chapter, but I thought that was a good place to cut it off. Chapter 8 is a work in progress. I'm going to skip forward in time again—about a month or so I think. Get ready to imagine El in a pirate costume at a kindergarten Halloween party. I know the kids ages aren't proportioned as they should be, but let's say for the sake of this story that Eli is in kindergarten, Lizzie and Dickie are in fourth grade, Kathleen is a ninth grader and Maureen is a junior. **


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